My Testimony
However, when I moved from the acute stage to the daily living out of the recovery, the exhaustion that came from my body fighting to recover, the impact of steroids and other drugs on my system, the cloudiness in my head and, to me the ‘slowness’ of my recovery, I soon discovered that I wasn’t always ‘able’ to sing of the goodness of God…
Many Christian songs speak to me, especially when I am struggling.
With every breath that I am able
I will sing of the goodness of God
(Goodness of God, Bethel)
Something made me look again at these song lyrics and I realised something important. While I’d like to think that I will praise God with every breath I am able, the reality is that sometimes we are just not able. And that’s ok. That’s the time we need other people to sing for us. It’s also worth noting here that even when we are not able, God is always singing over us (Zephaniah 3:17).
Circumstances arrive in our lives. Sometimes they are welcome but sometimes they are not. I am a woman who likes to be in control. I like to know what’s happening and what my part is. I have also been, for most of my life – right handed. In April 2019 the neurological condition I believed was dormant in my system became active again, in defiance of the new ‘wonder drug’ the doctors have almost absolute faith in. How serious was this? I lost the use of my right hand and, except for the grace and mercy of God, it could have been far worse.
Praising God and Leaning on Him
The ‘wonder drug’ not only held back the speed of the relapse, it also held back the severity. I learned that without this drug the relapse could have travelled down both sides of my body faster than it was threatening to do, and what happened to my arm could have affected every area of my body from the neck down. I have truly learned how fearfully and wonderfully I have been made when I was knit together in the secret place (Psalm 139 v 13-16). I found it easy to praise God, to lean on him and to trust in Him during the onset of the relapse and the first weeks after.
However, when I moved from the acute stage to the daily living out of the recovery, the exhaustion that came from my body fighting to recover, the impact of steroids and other drugs on my system, the cloudiness in my head and, to me the ‘slowness’ of my recovery, I soon discovered that I wasn’t always ‘able’ to sing of the goodness of God. It’s in these times that we need to know we are not alone and that we are indeed surrounded by our amazing God, and by a family that will uphold us.
I will raise a hallelujah in the middle of the mystery.
I’ll raise a hallelujah in the presence of my enemies.
Fear you’ve lost your hold your hold on me.
(Raise a hallelujah, Bethel)
We often testify that God has done amazing things in our lives and we’ve come out the other end, but that’s not why I’m here. Many of us go through difficulties that are not resolved quickly. I’d love to say my hand is fully restored but I can’t. What I am here to do is testify to God’s sustaining grace through these past months.
When I pick up my pen, pencil or paint brush in either hand and try and produce something recognisable it’s not the same. Every day I seek the face of the Lord before I do any of these things and ask Him to be in control, as I am clearly not able to control these things. His grace has been sufficient for me…
For every one of us, there’s a choice set before us in how we deal with the circumstances we face. I lost control of my right arm and while most of the use of it has come back, the hand still feels alien to me and I have spasms in my right arm that go to the edge of pain. The steroids increased my appetite and due to a sudden obsession with kettle chips I have put some weight on again after losing at least 8 stone.
My Grace is Sufficient for you!
I had and have every right, in the natural, to feel sorry for myself. When I pick up my pen, pencil or paint brush in either hand and try and produce something recognisable it’s not the same. Every day I seek the face of the Lord before I do any of these things and ask Him to be in control, as I am clearly not able to control these things. His grace has been sufficient for me. “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:8-10). What has also sustained me are the friends and family and for every thought and prayer that has petitioned Heaven on my behalf.
But today I tell you that God is in the business of healing, sustaining and joining up lives. There is no part too unworthy or shameful for His attention.
These verses from Psalm 119 continue to sustain me as I move forward:
73 Your hands made me and formed me;
give me understanding to learn your commands.
74 May those who fear you rejoice when they see me,
for I have put my hope in your word.
75 I know, Lord, that your laws are righteous,
and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me.
76 May your unfailing love be my comfort,
according to your promise to your servant.
77 Let your compassion come to me that I may live,
for your law is my delight.
78 May the arrogant be put to shame for wronging me without cause;
but I will meditate on your precepts.
79 May those who fear you turn to me,
those who understand your statutes.
80 May I wholeheartedly follow your decrees,
that I may not be put to shame.
One Response
Lynn Allan Is a Friend to me Online She is a heart warming person, Selfless and brings happiness to everyone she touches.I pray for her recovery and I want her to know how special she realy is