Help! I’m Married: More Wine

A question that bugs the minds of most couples is: “How do you ask for more without coming across to your spouse as ungrateful, unappreciative or insatiable?” As can be expected, there isn’t a one-fits-all answer to that question. But I can say…

I try to imagine what would have happened at the wedding in Cana of Galilee had Jesus not been invited (John 2:1-2). I imagine a devastated bride saying “I told you to buy 300 gallons but you wouldn’t listen!” I also imagine a frustrated groom passing the buck, “Jael, you are an experienced wedding planner for goodness sake, how did you let this happen?!” Bottom line: the embarrassment of not being able to cater for their guests, especially ‘members of the high table’, would have lived (happily ever after) with the couple! But thank God the Master- Jesus, was around.

Beyond the wedding, from time to time in their marriage, couples need more wine, no doubt. The question is: have you invited into your marriage, the only one who can turn water into wine? Water is life, granted. Water is beautiful and has no substitute; but, in a battle of tastes, if water is all you’ve got, you will lose!

I don’t hate water please, but it certainly cannot be water all the way. With all due respect to water, I must admit it is a bland, colourless, flavourless and boring liquid, mostly appreciated only in the face of reasonable thirst. When people (usually adults only) say “water is sweet”, they are just being figurative! When I was a child, I found water very boring (unless I was very thirsty). Now, even as an adult, I am fascinated by the thought of someone who could turn water itself into wine!

Wine, on the other hand, is a gorgeous, royal and charismatic drink. It is a celebrity. The hub of all entertainment, the flavor of kings. It announces its arrival with a pop sound. The popular cliché ‘To dine and wine’ paints the picture of wine as the seal of banquets. To have more wine in the context of the Cana wedding is to have more merriment and flavour. It also means being saved from impending embarrassment. To have more wine in your marriage is to have a fresh spark in it. There is a height of bliss, an atmosphere of ecstasy reserved for those who know how to ask for more wine and those who do not easily settle for the status quo.

Be rational and creative but allow yourself to be led by the Holy Spirit. Look out for the right atmosphere and put yourself in the shoes of your spouse so you don’t sound off. Remember, your target is to get across to your spouse with a view to making your marriage better or sweeter.

When you Identify a Need for Improvement

At the Cana wedding, before the need for more wine came to Jesus, someone had to identify the need. It was Mary, His mother. She observed and then reported. In what area of your marriage have you spotted a need for more wine? A question that bugs the minds of most couples is: “How do you ask for more without coming across to your spouse as ungrateful, unappreciative or insatiable?” As can be expected, there isn’t a one-fits-all answer to that question. But I can say that when you identify a need for improvement in any area of your marriage, relying on God’s help every step of the way, you need to prayerfully communicate this to your spouse so that together, you can talk to God. Be rational and creative but allow yourself to be led by the Holy Spirit. Look out for the right atmosphere and put yourself in the shoes of your spouse so you don’t sound off. Remember, your target is to get across to your spouse with a view to making your marriage better or sweeter. So do everything possible to ensure that this aim is achieved without pushing your spouse away, including rehearsing before you speak, if you have to.

Since no one can change anybody, “ask for more wine” is a short way of saying that when your marriage seems burned out, dry and uninteresting, the best way to put back the spark into it is to contact God who instituted marriage. He should be invited from the beginning. However, the good thing about God is that He also accepts mid-way invitations.

Calling on God is usually the first but not the only step to putting the zest back into a tired marriage, but it was made the basis of this write up because it is what opens the door for all healthy marriage.